Talking about money with your important interlocutor can be tricky, especially when the conversation quickly escalates into heated debate. But avoiding talking about money with your partner could be even more detrimental to your relationship.
In its 2017 Love and Money survey, TD Bank found that 90% of respondents who say they have a happy relationship talk about money at least once a month. At the same time, only 68% of unhappy couples talk about money as often.
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They stay on the same page
First of all, you and your partner must be on the same page when it comes to finances. This means that you must agree to prepare a plan for your money together.
"With nearly 40 years of experience, I can tell you that short and long-term planning is a joint effort," said Ron Weiner, CFP, general manager and partner of the RDM Financial Group at HighTower. "In today's world, no matter who earns what or who is the most financially comfortable, working together on budgets and short and long-term projections is really essential for financial success, but also for the future. personal happiness. "
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Why are shared goals important?
<p class = "canvas-atom-text-canvas Mb (1.0em) Mb (0) – sm Mt (0.8em) – sm" type = "text" content = "For example, you and your partner may want to After all, "buying a house is one of the most important investments a couple has ever made and that's a benchmark for finances, the success of relationships and the future of families, "Said April Masini, Relationship Expert and Founder of the Ask Ask Relationship Consulting Forum. Data-reactid = "24"> For example, you and your partner may want to buy a house. After all, "buying a house is one of the most important investments a couple has ever made, and it is a decisive step for the finances, the success of relationships and the future of families," said April Masini, an expert on relations and founder of the Ask, April.
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"It might be perfectly fine to drain assets by having this vacation home to enjoy it in the short term," Weiner said. "But you may have to look at the reality of selling this asset in the years to come to support your retirement lifestyle … It's easier to plan this together than to say to one person," Honey, we simply can not afford it anymore. "
They make money dates
Date night is not just for dinner and dancing. Financially successful couples also set dates to check their money. In addition to helping couples stay on the same page, regular money appointments offer another benefit: they allow you to stop fighting for money.
<p class = "canvas-canvas-text canvas Mb (1.0em) Mb (0) – sm Mt (0.8em) – sm" type = "text" content = "" The main reason why couples argue over the "They are leaving their finances too open, too open to debate," said Brian Davis, columnist for BiggerPockets. "Couples should sit down and have a serious conversation. agree on a budget. Then find ways to systematize this budget to eliminate any ambiguity. If couples do it right the first time, they do not need to repeat the same financial arguments many times; they each have a certain amount of money and everything else is systematized. "" data-reactid = "29"> "The main reason that couples argue for money is that they leave their finances too open, too questionable." said Brian Davis, a BiggerPockets columnist: "Couples should sit down and have a serious conversation to agree on a budget, and then find ways to systematize that budget to eliminate ambiguity, if couples do it right. the first time, they do not need to repeat the same financial arguments, they each have a certain amount of their own money and everything else is systematized. "
How to have better money talks
For example, Davis and his wife have a date of money on the last Sunday of each month. "We have a stable financial date at home, where we prepare a nice dinner, take a bottle of wine and sit down with our laptops to review our credit card statements of the month," he said. "We transfer money from our joint account to each of our credit cards for all the common expenses we charge them – usually large purchases, such as airline tickets for a trip."
All personal expenses listed on their credit cards are then settled from their personal chequing accounts.
"It's less of a chore than it looks," Davis said. "After three hours of eating and drinking, it only takes 15 minutes to pay our credit card bills."
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They treat their relationships as a business
You would not expect a company to succeed if its owners do not monitor income and expenses, or set short, medium and long term goals. Relationships are not different. Keep a constant eye on your cash flow or the money coming in and out of your accounts.
The story continues
"Longer-term projections are needed to put everything in perspective," said Weiner.
For example, if you want a second home near the beach, do an appropriate short- and long-term analysis to assess its impact on your current and future finances.
"When you make a budget and you include the cost to entertain the weekend guests, paint the house every two years – because it's near the water, as property taxes go up and down." If you want to leave this property to your children instead of selling it, this decision could have a major impact on the couple's short-term cash flow as well as its long-term financial independence, "he said.
How to create a path to success
Couples should have effective conversations about their goals. Weiner recommends that couples create a "measurable path" to determine if they are meeting their goals. But, as in any business, the road to success is not always straight. So you have to plan the missteps and allow you to learn.
"It's not uncommon for customers to call us and say something like," You're going to hate us. " It means they have done something good outside of their own projects, "said Weiner. "The key is that they understand what they did. This alone will help them in the future. "
It can also be easier to talk about money with your partner if you think of your important partner as co-CEO, CFO or even partner of your "company". You are also responsible for developing a financial plan and raising the red flag in case of problems. Then, as a team, you can work together to make sure you're back on track to achieving your financial goals.
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They work together on a written budget
Whether you are single, married or in a common-law relationship, having a solid budget is another cornerstone of financial success.
"Managing your financial health is not much different from managing your physical well-being," said Steve Ward, founder of the Love Lab app. And there is no question of being obsessed with numbers. As Ward said, "budgeting, it's like a rationing. Counting dollars and cents is not much different from counting calories. "
If you want to stop fighting for money in your relationship and have successful conversations, sit down with your partner to create a written budget.
"I think the most important thing is to have a written budget each month that the two people get together before the beginning of the month," said Jeff Campbell of the middle class dad.
How to create a budget to which you can stick
For example, Campbell and his wife plan their budget about six weeks in advance and agree 100% on all expenses.
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They also have agreements on debt and loan money. "We do not borrow money other than the main mortgage," Campbell said. "And we think that's the key to staying afloat and staying ahead – no matter what's happening in the economy."
In addition, the couple's budgets for regular contributions to investment accounts and holiday funds. "For retirement, we invest 15% of our income every month in Roth IRAs and we also contribute monthly to the 529 funds of our children's college," he said. "For the holidays, we take one or two a year and we save months in advance or, since my wife is a teacher, she will sometimes take a summer job to help.
The couple's budget even includes a post for vacation expenses. "We like to reserve $ 90 a month for Christmas expenses, so we're not embarrassed in November or trying to borrow money," Campbell said.
Sit down with your partner and set a budget that suits your relationship. And meet regularly with your partner to discuss and modify your budget as needed.
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They hold 3 accounts: yours, mine and ours
Here's another secret to a successful relationship: the "Yours, Mine and Bear" accounts. By creating separate and joint accounts, you and your partner can manage money and avoid future money conflicts.
"One idea that helped my marriage exponentially was the creation of three chequing accounts: one for me, one for my wife, and one joint account," said Davis. "Then we establish monthly personal allowances that each of us can spend for what we want, without asking questions and without access to the other person's personal checking account."
Davis and his wife each have their paychecks deposited in their current account. In addition, their personal benefits are automatically transferred to their separate bank accounts.
"Most of our expenses are common expenses that come from our joint account," Davis said. "But when one of us goes out alone with friends, goes to a massage or shop for clothes or shoes, it comes out of our personal accounts."
Why multiple accounts work
This strategy can be particularly useful when one person wins more than the other or that his or her consumption habits are very different. But although the couple has "fun" separate accounts, it is a united front for long-term financial goals.
"Our savings and investments are the first, not the last, like most people," said Davis. "Our savings are structured as our number one priority, without even having to think about it."
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They hire professional help when needed
<p class = "canvas-canvas-text canvas Mb (1.0em) Mb (0) – sm Mt (0.8em) – sm" type = "text" content = "If you and your partner are not d & If you are looking for the best strategy for your money, consider getting help.A relationship expert, for example, could help you and your partner to talk about money. calm and respectful way. a financial advisor can help you Make the best decision for your money, from budgeting to investing to saving for retirement. "data-reactid =" 72 "> If you and your partner can not agree on the best strategy for your money, consider getting help – an expert relationship, for example, could help you, and as your partner, to talk about your money in a calm and respectful way, and a financial advisor can help you make the best decision for your money, from budgeting to investing, to saving for retirement.
"Surround yourself with a strong team of trusted professionals who act in your best interests and effectively communicate with each other," said Kevin Phillips, financial advisor at Savant Capital Management. "This can help couples implement strategies to further improve their wealth while avoiding potential pitfalls."
How to protect your wealth
Of course, it may seem confusing to have a team of professionals offering complicated financial terms. But Phillips said that a good fund manager would help you understand different investment strategies, as well as the risks associated with each of them.
"Keep an eye on your accounts, know why and where the money is being transferred and pay close attention to selling points to buy products, businesses and investments that seem too good to be true," he said. "It's very disheartening to hear stories of very successful families who have been stolen from hard-earned money by someone they trust."
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